A vintage tale
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PENOLA [Feb 2005]: The terra rossa soil of Australia’s Coonawarra region is renowned for producing some of the world’s finest red wines. But the current vintage is proving remarkable in more ways than one: some Shiraz vines are growing human hands. While gob-smacked vignerons and scientists from around the world have descended on this normally sleepy region to see for themselves and formulate theories, some scholars have suggested that they should look to medieval history for clues. |
While it would be drawing a long bow to suggest The Crusades were fought over wine, it is worth noting the grape inspired legends that flowed from the period. Take the story of Shiraz, a vigorous red variety that has France and Australia in its thrall. The story goes that a French knight called Gaspard de Sterimberg ‘discovered’ these vines near Shiraz in Persia during the 13th century. He then returned to his Hermitage in the Rhone Valley, and… well, the rest is history. His exertions on the battle fields of the Holy Land are not recorded, which is hardly surprising, given the considerable detour required to reach Persia, and then return to France laden with grape vines.
The French obsession with Shiraz, in the Rhone Valley anyway, found a curious bedfellow centuries later, when the climate of southern Australia was found to offer ideal growing conditions. So much so that by the mid 20th century if the French were a little crazy, then the Australians were stark raving mad. Unfortunately, legends are made to be rent asunder. Enter the white coats with their DNA testing; exit a lovely tale of alcohol and chivalry. For thanks to UCLA boffins, we now know that Shiraz is actually a native of the Rhone Valley. And so endeth Sir Gaspard and his magical journey. Or does it? |
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It has long been thought that Louis the Fat, King of France in the early 1100s, was a more mysterious monarch than his peculiar soubriquet would suggest. Indeed, he was self-titled, perhaps to deflect the court’s attention away from his real motives. After all, who is going to suspect a bumbling fat man of dabbling in the black arts? And besides, the prevailing mood in Europe was close to triumphant following the surprising successes of the First Crusade. But there was magic in the air; not just in Jerusalem.
Louis had a special fascination with Persia. He had heard much of their flying carpets, which were sturdier than the Anatolian variety and therefore more suited to his massive bulk. But Persia was deaf to his entreaties, and the Knights Templar would not hear of mounting military expeditions to remote lands on the grounds that the King of France wanted new rugs.
So Louis sought the counsel of his secret advisors: necromancers and sorcerers, who had served him well in the past. Folklore tells us that the challenge was put to them, with the promise of rich rewards for whoever could satisfy the king’s request. Someone must have been handsomely rewarded for their efforts, based on some remarkable developments in the ensuing years. First, French vineyards started sprouting human hands. Once ripe, the hands would mysteriously disappear, with no-one able to explain where they had gone or what might have happened to them. Second, the Persian capital, Shiraz, became renowned for the quality of its red wines, a reputation which was to last for hundreds of years. And finally, Louis the Fat became the most widely traveled king the French people had known, arriving in far flung villages hours or even days ahead of his royal entourage.
So, the reputation of Sir Gaspard can now be restored. The Shiraz grape may well have benefited from the Persian sojourn, returning to the native land more bountiful than ever. The Popes of Avignon certainly agreed, so much so that some clerics refused to leave the Rhone Valley, contributing to the Great Schism in the Church.
Which brings us to the present day and the big question: why are human hands growing in the Coonawarra? Sure, there are ructions in the Middle East, including modern day Iran. Sure, comparisons have been made with the Crusades, as western forces do combat in Iraq. Sure, the world is now overflowing with fat people wanting an easy ride. Sure, the occult is enjoying a revival. But why there? Why now? What will happen next?
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Postscript: on the morning of 12 February, Coonawarra vignerons awoke to find that the vine hands had disappeared overnight. Despite a prolonged and thorough search, local authorities advise that the vines have vanished from the region without a trace. |