[Cricket, with the Lord of Byron]
India v Pakistan Series - Hearts and minds boggled
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After much fanfare, brouhaha, hoo-ha and no little contumely from some extreme factions, the Pakistan tour of India has ended in triumph. For political reasons, this was only the second Test series between the two sides on Indian soil in 18 years, but attitudes have thawed and clashes between the two teams have recently developed into orgies of disciplined diplomacy. So much so that there is now concern that the teams are playing each other too often. Pakistan’s captain Inzamam-ul-Haq and his team were greeted by grand ceremonies and bedecked with garlands at every opportunity, and hordes of dignitaries fell over each other to mount and jam pack rickety podia for the lengthy end of match ceremonies. |
To general official satisfaction, the Test series was tied then the visitors won the one-day series 4-2 after losing the first two matches. Pakistan 's president, Pervez Musharraf, accepted an invitation from Manmohan Singh, the Indian prime minister, and duly watched his team win the final match . A good host could offer his guest nothing more. Singh stated that “nothing brings the people of the subcontinent together more than our love for cricket and Bollywood." One of the most popular Indian TV shows is a cricketing version of Pop Idol where the prize is an opportunity to become a full-time commentator.
Double glozing
Later, in a joint statement, the leaders stated that “the peace process was now irreversible”. There will now be a cross-border bus service from Kashmir to Pakistan, divided families will be reunited, border crossings will be open to civilian traffic and consulates will be introduced in Mumbai and Karachi .
George W. Bush, who apparently bowls a mean ‘screwball’, is said to be monitoring the situation and has taken to listening to cricket commentary on his iPod. There is even talk that a crack troop of US cricketers may be fired off to Iraq for an upcoming series of ‘friendlies’. Bush is quoted as saying: “It is time we loosed the dogs of diplomacy”.
A tale of two captains
The Test series was played on a rocking chair, as the venerable Amit Varma put it, but more and more Indian face was lost overboard as the one-day series progressed, so it wasn’t all sweetness, light and nirvana. Behind the scenes of official bonhomie, the Indian public performed the ritual venting of spleen. When the one-day series was lost, the crowd threw bottles onto the field ‘like confetti on newlyweds’ and jingoistic slogans graced the air a little like a miasma of prawn spawn before the disgruntled fans traipsed out to railway stations of the cross.
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The next rite to be enacted was the lambasting and effigy burning of the losing captain and coach. Here we see the great contrast between the fates of Inzy and the man now said to be India’s less or more erstwhile captain: Saurav Ganguly. Before the series began, Inzy was being heavily criticised by many a passing pundit, but his contract has now been extended for another year. He and his team returned home to great praise and a bonus of 5 million rupees offered by the president. Inzy sensibly attributed his team’s success to humility and calmly awaits the next calls for his sacking. |
| Ganguly though has had an appalling series. He scored nary a run in anger and was suspended for six matches for allowing excessively slow over rates. A token gesture of an appeal was made against the sentence, but in reality, Indian cricket and Ganguly himself will be pleased that this deferred the issue of whether he should have been dropped from a great height. In fact, it has been suggested by the mischievous that it was the Indian selectors who actually reported him to the match referee. |  |
Pressure is also being placed on coach John Wright. Things have got so bad that Australian great Dean Jones is being mentioned as a contender for the position. Jones said: "I have been to India 58 times and enjoy the country and the public."
The series in India was won without legendary thunderbolt hurler Shoaib Akhtar, who is known to not operate on the same plane as Inzy. Rawalpindi Ram Shoaib has recovered from injury though and took 5-23 for the ‘Raw Rams’ in the inaugural Pakistani domestic 20-over competition. There were hopes that suitable sponsorship could be arranged to enable the competition to be called the 20 Bensons, but sadly, sanity did not prevail. Many believe that Shoaib should be quickly returned to the fold, lest he become a blunt spearhead.
Lusty Blows
The star of the one-day series was undoubtedly Sahibzaha Mohammad Shahid Khan Afridi. The 25 year old child prodigy spanked a 45 ball century, the equal second fastest in one-day internationals. His century included nine sixes and ten fours and was eight balls short of his own world record 37 ball effort against Sri Lanka in Nairobi in 1996.
The heart-throb, who was born in the Khyber Agency, loves the sound of breaking glass and is a keen adherent of the theory that ‘more is more’. He was mobbed by women all over India, but says that the days of his rendezvous with young women are truly behind him as he is now happily married to his cousin.
Ambrosia
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The English cricket season has started and spectators have been able to see the return of Murali, who is playing for Lancs. The Australians are also well represented in county teams and have made a solid start, including Shane Warne who is captaining Hampshire. It is believed that their resolve has been stiffened by the news of the so-called Bali Nine: young Australians who are being charged in Indonesia with heroin trafficking. To Australians, these plucky adventurers are archetypal ‘little Aussie battlers’ and as such, are widely revered. I spoke to local battler Harold Park about this and he was of the opinion that the cricketers would do well to have permanently tattooed black armbands, so that this and any other tragedy could be promptly commemorated. He was unconcerned that they would not be visible and stated, wiping a tear from his eye: “after all, these little battlers were attempting to transport the official foodstuff of the gods. Not just any old rubbish.” On a roll, Harold went on to lament the rubbish left behind by Anzac Day revellers at Gallipoli. “It didn’t look like a sacred sight to me”, he wheezed. |
Cricketing outposts
In the West Indies, after the protracted battle between sponsors Digicel and Cable & Wireless, all the players are now available for selection, but South Africa leads the four Test series 2-0 with one to play before the commencement of the one-day series. The usual hand wringing and bottomless angst is being expressed in the Caribbean press.
New Zealand at home comfortably accounted for Sri Lanka who are just not the same without Murali. There was some excitement though as New Zealand complained that they could not see the ball against the background of umpire Hair’s trousers. The Hair shirt was deemed acceptable, but Hair refused to remove his trousers, stating: ‘I am not a sightscreen’. Captain Fleming was unimpressed and retained his opinion that more is less.
In Zimbabwe, Cricinfo reports that the Secret police are investigating the ZCU logo change. Introduced in November as part of a brand re-launch, the new logo has apparently attracted the attention of the government's infamous Central Intelligence Organisation (CIO) who, so the reports go, held an investigation into a possible hidden agenda.
| The logo appears harmless at first glance, featuring three stumps, a white line (representing a boundary line) on a green background, and a cricket ball. But that innocence was lost on the CIO which saw more in the emblem than most. Instead of three stumps, it saw a letter M; the cricket ball became a D; and the boundary line became a C. That spelt out the initials of the Movement for Democratic Change, Zimbabwe 's major opposition party. |  |
A former Zimbabwe Cricket employee told Cricinfo how he was nearly beaten up by ruling ZANU PF supporters when he was spotted wearing a Zimbabwe one-day replica shirt with the new logo. The supporters asked him why he was wearing an MDC T-shirt and he had to do some fast-talking to avoid being attacked. He said that the situation was inflamed by the colour of the T-shirt. Red is synonymous with the MDC.
Papua New Guinea has won Division Two of the World Cup Qualifying Series at the Royal Selangor Club in Malaysia, thus gaining a place in the ICC Trophy, the final qualifying competition for the 2007 World Cup.
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