I’ll spin till I’m skanky and hoary

[Cricket, with the Lord of Byron]

Third Test - Australia v Pakistan: a fascinating battle (between Warne and MacGill)

Well, that was a predictable result. The main area of interest turned out to be Warne v MacGill, with MacGill winning once again, then collecting the man of the match award to boot. The pair have played together in Tests nine times and MacGill has outperformed Warne in seven of them. They both profess admiration for each other in public, but you will always find them on opposite sides of the huddle when a wicket falls.

[Ed: If I've said it once, I've said it 566 times - Sydney boys love the SCG]

When they were batting together, Warney confidently assumed the senior role and advised MacGill to calm down and bat sensibly while Warne took on the bowling. Warne was dismissed next ball. The TV switched to ads advising against the killing of children when driving, so I was unable to see the priceless facial expressions. Some times one just has to be there in person. TV viewers also miss the traditional New Year streakers. One doesn’t even get a proper commentary, just “why oh why oh why?” and “I’m disappointed not angry”.

		MacGill clarified why he is called ‘the angry man’. In one instance, Umpire Bowden turned down an LBW appeal on the final ball of the over. MacGill then went to snatch back his cap, but Billy, in his whimsical way, withdrew it from his reach. This time, the fury and the muttering were captured for the delectation of viewers. Later, MacGill bowled Asif but the bails were not dislodged. More daggers from Stuey. The new ball was taken soon after and Warne could be seen removing the chewie from the bail.

MacGill has realised that he won’t be able to beat Warne in the selectors’ eyes, so his new plan is “to be able to do it for an extended period of time, long after Shane's gone". He turns 34 soon though, so will have to emulate the longevity of some of the spinners of old.

		This gives me an excellent excuse to ramble on at great length about old spinners, but I’ll restrain myself and simply note that Wilfred Rhodes was 52 years old in his final Test, Bert ‘Dainty’ Ironmonger was 50, Don Dearness Blackie was 46 (and played his last game for Victoria at 50), Arthur Alfred Mailey (who never looked up the starting-time of a train, just went to the station and waited for the next one in) was 40, as was Bill O’Reilly when he took 5-14 and 3-19 in his final Test.

Clarrie Grimmett, another leggie was 45 and took 13 wickets in his final test. He didn’t retire- he was dropped. Many are of the opinion that Bradman unwisely overlooked him for the next tour. Two years later, at the age of 49, he established an Australian record of 73 wickets for a domestic first-class season.

South Africa v England: Third Test - Useless tossers

England’s undefeated run came to a sticky end at Cape Town after they lost a bad toss and collapsed. Once Kallis had made his customary pile of runs (149 and 66), they never got back into the match and the series is now tied at one all. In his 22 Tests as captain, Vaughan has only won the toss six times, an even worse ratio than his predecessor Nasser Hussain, a self-confessed ‘useless tosser’.

After being considered strong favourites, England are now struggling, with injuries to Butcher, Flintoff and Hoggard and with Vaughan and Harmison in poor form. Mark Butcher’s sprained wrist adds to his impressive collection of injuries, which include whiplash from a car crash and a thigh injury while moving boxes at his new home in South London. His Test career is now in jeopardy with his replacement, Robert ‘Skeleton’ Key batting well lately. Butch’s friends were texting him with messages stating that they hoped Key would make a duck, but Butch would have none of it, stating ambiguously that “I hope he scores runs as much as I hope any of the other batters score runs".

Andrew Strauss had been England’s top scorer in every innings so far in this series, but failed in the second innings where his 39 was outdone by Key’s 41, then, improbably by Harmison’s last ditch slog for 42.

Bangladesh v Zimbabwe: First Test - Minnow wars

In other news, Bangladesh hosted Zimbabwe’s return to Test cricket in Chittagong. The home side planned very carefully and in the warm up match, they fielded a Bangladesh board team devoid of spinners and allowed Zimbabwe to amass unwarranted confidence and 3-522.

Bangladesh led from the start and eventually gained their first Test victory by 226 runs, but there were some encouraging performances from Zimbabwe. Elton Chigumbura made 71 and took 5 wickets in the 2nd innings and once again, captain Tatenda Taibu (aka Tibbly) shored up the batting with a gritty 92. He is one of the few true all-rounders in the game, often taking off his keeping gloves mid game in order to bowl his offies when the occasion demands.

		In an ideal world perhaps, Zimbabwe would play Bangladesh over and over until they get it right.