[Cricket, with the Lord of Byron]
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The main phase of the southern summer is effectively over for international cricket and for many it ended on a rather unsatisfactory note. Australia dominated Pakistan and West Indies and after an engrossing Test series, South Africa eventually crushed a listless and hapless England one-day side. The circus must go on though and we can probably look forward to one of the rare Pakistan tours of India. As usual, each day brings news that the tour is in jeopardy, but one would expect money and mainstream political will to win through. Note the opening of the bus link in Kashmir and the need to reciprocate the hospitality received in the successful tour to Pakistan last year. |
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“The Ashes is not even close because nobody's house gets stoned...and the losers can still go down to the grocery store, but not so in an Indo-Pak series. None of the Ashes contests can match that feeling of fear and insecurity.” – Sunil Gavaskar
South Africa v England ODI series - Proteans spit out the gags
How many swallows make a summer? Four in the case of South Africa. The Proteas were soundly beaten in the first match, but seemed to be coasting to victory in the second before the SA choking spirit, famously illuminated in the 1999 World Cup semi final against Australia, took hold.
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SA needed eight from the final over, had old stagers Boucher and Pollock in control at the crease, had five wickets in hand and were facing neophyte Kabir Ali. Part time model Ali, who is one of the fifty most eligible bachelors in Britain according to Asian Woman & Bride magazine, started the over with a waist high full toss which Boucher belted to the boundary. It was a no ball to boot, so now it was just three to win from six balls. The next ball was another waist high full toss and an easy win was there for the taking, but Boucher hit it straight to Giles at deep mid wicket. The rest of the over was dot, one, wicket, one, wicket and England danced off the field having secured an unlikely tie. South Africa have now played in five of the last six ties in one-day cricket. |
At this point one might have expected England to smother the opposition with dextrous use of gag, rope and pillow, as South Africa had now only won one of their previous fourteen games, and that was against Bangladesh. However, despite being considered probably the second best Test team in the world, England’s one-day team has consistently disappointed and couldn’t manage another win in the series, allowing South Africa to repeatedly swallow rather than choke.
| The only players to go ‘home’ with any self respect were Kevin Pietersen and his new mate Darren Gough. The rest could justifiably be called a pommie shower with the main worry perhaps being the oft confessed, pathological homesickness of Steve Harmison. Harmison was rated number one fast bowler in the world fairly recently, but seems to leave his magic at Heathrow. |  |
After 11 one-day internationals, Pietersen averages 139 with a strike rate of just over 100. He has an Afrikaner father and an English mother and recently qualified to play for England after leaving KwaZulu-Natal in protest at the selection policy, which he believed discriminated against whites. For these and a variety of other reasons he is very unpopular in both countries and was subject to much sledging and abuse from players and spectators alike. His ex-captain at Nottingham threw his kit bag out the window and few tears were shed when he left to go to Hampshire.
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He is desperately determined to prove his new found Englishness though and gives the three lions on his helmet a good snogging every time he reaches a century. He also intends to get his arm adorned with those three lions at the end of the series. The inevitable scabs prevented him from getting the tattoo any earlier. Now that the snooker player formerly known as Jimmy White has changed his name by deed poll to James Brown in a sponsorship deal with HP Sauce, Pietersen could perhaps make more friends by being sponsored to change his name to Private Lynndie England. “I just sat back and laughed at the opposition, with their swearing and 'traitor' remarks ... some of them can hardly speak English." - Kevin Pietersen |
VB Series - Interest briefly aroused after traditional dead rubber loss
Australia managed to win the VB series best of three final against Pakistan fairly comfortably without needing to resort to the Adelaide decider after Pakistan briefly surprised the cricket world by winning the dead rubber against Australia at the WACA.
Considering that they were playing Australia in Australia, Pakistan fought admirably at the end, especially new star Rana Naved-ul-Hasan who battled on bravely despite the death of his father. They also stayed resolute despite the below average LBW return, which coach Bob Woolmer sensibly complained about. He may have been censured by the ICC as a result, but it was just the thing the fractious and volatile Pakistan Cricket Board wanted to hear prior to the important tour of India. Oh yes, Shoaib Akhtar is still a very naughty boy and has been fined for ‘erratic behaviour’. In other shock news, Shahid Afridi stated that he has a new policy of not trying to belt every ball for six. He then went on to state that the only two good batsmen in his team are Inzy and Youhana, which seems to be true if undiplomatic.
Meanwhile, the West Indies, the forgotten team of the series, are feeling vexed and dread after their sponsors Digicel accused the players of spending too much time with women, even flying one in specially from Adelaide to Perth before an important game. The sound of banging doors and female voices after 1 a.m. did not go down well. The West Indian Players Association have called the allegations scandalous and may take legal action after being described as a terrorist organisation.
Bangladesh cricket has a future says President Professor Doctor Ahmed
Good news for cricket as Bangladesh came from behind to win the one-day series against Zimbabwe 3-2 at home. Big crowds in Bangladesh show that there may well be a future for cricket there. True, it was only Zimbabwe, but they need all the encouragement they can get. The deciding match was the last international match to be played at Dhaka’s Bangabandhu Stadium. Many fans were disappointed at the move, but the BCC opined that the replacement, the Mirpur Sher-e-Bangla stadium will eventually hold 60,000 and has much better facilities, including a new gymnasium. Massed ranks of politicians, including President Professor Dr. Iajuddin Ahmed congratulated the winning team and promised to further develop cricket in the country.
We can now look ahead perhaps to developments in cricket in the other subcontinental fringes. Afghanistan cricket has made post-Taliban advances with over 12,000 active players, and like China is an affiliate member of the ICC. Burma is also said to have made cricketing advances, though I’ve not been able to discover much progress in Tajikstan or any of the other minor Stans yet.
Murali to marry?
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Any good news about Murali is a good thing, so let me join the queue to congratulate him on his reported upcoming nuptials. Warney has also become very matey with Murali lately and has even publicly patched up his extreme differences with roly-poly ex-captain Arjuna Ranatunga, who is now the deputy minister for tourism. |